Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend was Fun Like Me?: On Being the Life of the Party

I’m writing this from home tonight.  I am at  home—on a Friday night. This isn’t supposed to happen to me……

You see:  I’m the life of the party. Eddie Murphy could have dedicated “Party All the Time” to me. I’m the queen of charisma and my cup runneth over with personality.  I am am off a scales extrovert, a maverick, and a some may argue a certified wild child.  While I’d push back on that last moniker—admittedly—I like to be on the scene. Shaking hands and kissing babies is my thing. I got it honest. Both my parents were parties and growing up we were always celebrating life. Because I get my energy by engaging with others, and I am an awesome dancer (you should see me hit the dougie), I have always embraced the intrigues of night life.  What’s better than getting all glammed out in lashes and stilettos, and tipping on the scene with your gal pals? Not much!

However, while my outgoing  personality and reputation for being out in about is great for creative work, awesome for networking, and fantastic for reality TV shows, sadly it is not ideal for landing Mr. Right.  I am finding that being  Ms. Champagne Life is busting up my dating life.

I never really thought of myself as a party girl, but I’ve noticed, as my friends have begun to settle down that my latent post-adolescent desire to hit the streets is pretty remarkable amongst my set.  As many of my peers are picking out china patterns or pushing strollers,  my attentions are drawn to much lighter diversions.  Sure, I am striving towards my professional goals, and busy with community service, but nevertheless the streets keep calling. Perhaps, it is because I got married and divorced by like twelve, but I’m definitely on the scene now harder than any other damn near thirty-year-old I know.  Ten years ago, while my girls were in the club, I was cooking, cleaning, and doing the best impersonation of a young Claire Huxtable I could muster.  Since my divorce, I have done plenty of  healing, growing, maturing…but I’ve been doing a whole helluva of  a lot of partying.

I’m having a great time living the champagne life, the only problem is when the party is over, every one wants someone to go home to. A guy friend kicked some knowledge to me on the whole matter that was really a revelation.  You see it turns out, a lot of guys don’t really go for the so-called party girl  or at worst we get stereotyped as the good time girl.  Here are a few reasons why getting to wifey and/or girlfriend status is a herculean challenge for a girl like me:

  1. Men assume you have someone or a lot of someones
  2. Men are intimidated and or overwhelmed by your confidence and won’t approach
  3. A certain kind of guy isn’t willing to share the spotlight and will opt for quiet eye candy or vocal charisma
  4. Your awesome is generally misunderstood

Here is where I’m come out on this whole analytical conundrum.  For a brief moment, I really considered  being less: a bit more quiet and adopting the homebody swag, under the misguided hope that prince charming would gallantly ride to my door atop a white horse, my size Louboutins in hand.  However, like lightning it occurs to me:  I am not willing to CHANGE  for any dude.  I’ve been there done that, and bought the t-shirt.  I will never go there again.  I was only a pale and less interesting version of myself, when I lived that way and all in all life is too short to be something you or not.  I figure, the right guy will be handle me and all my awesome no problem.  Better yet, he’ll want to party with me!  So here it is:  They say life is a party, so we might as well dance!  You with me?


  1. It seems you have many issues and are struggling with things that you think you have moved beyond. This happens with people who are late bloomers, or those who feel like they have missed out on something. You come off a bit insecure in your writing. It also seems that you could be using the “party life” to avoid having any real relationships. Is it possible that you are having a problem meeting the right guy because you come off as fake or insecure. Men see through that. Maybe some things need to change or be more disciplined. Only you know what you really want and desire, including changes that you feel you need to make internally. Men who are looking for what they consider to be a “quality” woman, are probably in other environments trying to find that. It could just be that. It can be many reasons.

    • @The Don — Thanks for the feedback. You are right — I am a beautiful mosaic of issues, but aren’t we all. I have no problems with admitting that I have fears, insecurities, and all manner of bad habits. I am work in progress — send some love and light my way; definitely sending some yours! Suffice it to say:

      ‎”I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” — Marilyn Monroe

      I may be a handful but I am authentic!

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