My Girlfriends….There Through Thick and Thin

I am a girl’s girl‚ÄĒthrough and through. ¬†My relationships with the women in my life¬†have been sources of inspiration, strength, and motivation. ¬†I consider these relationships simply invaluable, from the loving counsel of my mother and grandmother to the laughs and tears shared among my girlfriends and Sorors.

The women in my life hold me up, listen to me bitch, moan, cry and complain.  At their best these friendships are an education, they challenge me and push me to the next level. Therefore, it saddens me when I hear Black women talk about how they are immediately distrustful or suspicious of other Black women.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of the parody and misrepresentation of Black women and our relationships in popular culture has been internalized. ¬†This creates an insecurity that extends to our relationships with each other in our everyday interactions. ¬†It lessens our ability to love ourselves and our ability love the reflection of ourselves‚ÄĒour sisters (and brothers too). Mainstream society has taught Black women in many ways¬†not value ourselves and this collective sense of inadequacy threatens one of the most valuable cosmic connections in the universe.¬†If we think of friendships as living things, I would argue the relationships and friendships between Black women are created and bound¬†by a unique DNA of shared experience.

As Black women, I believe our human experience throughout history has been and even today remains unique. ¬†How we do and define womanhood is special and beautiful and we need to embrace the magic of it. ¬†Our relationships need not be fraught with jealousy, pettiness,¬†malicious competitiveness, and distrust. ¬†When I see my sister, I see the God manifest within in her. ¬†I see her capacity (but not¬†necessity) to be strong, her Grandmother’s wisdom, her courage, and creativity.

I believe one of my purposes in life is to interpret and voice my experience,  and more importantly the collective experience of the Black women around me.   I see so many parallels in the lives of  my sister friends, from the well-worn narrative around the perils of singleness to the weight of negotiating identity in the workplace.   I rely on my girlfriends for advice, to help me frame an experience, heal through hurt, and to make me laugh until my belly aches.

Toni Morrison said, “The loneliest woman in the world is the woman without a close woman friend” and it is in this spirit that I encourage you to treat the women in your life with love and understanding. ¬†Be a friend and to make a friend. ¬†Love your sisters, encourage them, and treat them with the kindness, respect, and devotion we all deserve.

‚ÄúBeloved, you are my sister, you are my daughter, you are my face; you are me‚ÄĚ
Toni Morrison

Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend was Fun Like Me?: On Being the Life of the Party

I’m writing this from home tonight. ¬†I am at ¬†home‚ÄĒon a Friday night. This isn’t supposed to happen to me……

You see: ¬†I’m the life of the party. Eddie Murphy could have dedicated “Party All the Time” to me. I’m the queen of charisma and my cup runneth over with personality. ¬†I am am off a scales extrovert, a maverick, and a some may argue a certified wild child. ¬†While I’d push back on that last moniker‚ÄĒadmittedly‚ÄĒI like to be on the scene. Shaking hands and kissing babies is my thing. I got it honest. Both my parents were parties and growing up we were always celebrating life. Because I get my energy by engaging with others, and I am an awesome dancer (you should see me hit the dougie), I have always embraced the intrigues of night life. ¬†What’s better than getting all glammed out in lashes and stilettos, and tipping on the scene with your gal pals? Not much!

However, while my outgoing  personality and reputation for being out in about is great for creative work, awesome for networking, and fantastic for reality TV shows, sadly it is not ideal for landing Mr. Right.  I am finding that being  Ms. Champagne Life is busting up my dating life.

I never really thought of myself as a party girl, but I’ve noticed, as my friends have begun to settle down that my latent post-adolescent desire to hit the streets is pretty remarkable amongst my set. ¬†As many of my peers are picking out china patterns or pushing strollers, ¬†my attentions are drawn to much lighter diversions. ¬†Sure, I am striving towards my professional goals, and busy with community service, but nevertheless the streets keep calling. Perhaps, it is because I got married and divorced by like twelve, but I’m¬†definitely¬†on the scene now harder than any other damn near thirty-year-old I know. ¬†Ten years ago, while my girls were in the club, I was cooking, cleaning, and doing the best impersonation of a young Claire Huxtable I could muster. ¬†Since my divorce, I have done plenty of ¬†healing, growing, maturing…but¬†I’ve¬†been doing a whole helluva of ¬†a¬†lot¬†of¬†partying.

I’m having a great time living the champagne life, the only problem is when the party is over, every one wants someone to go home to. A guy friend kicked some knowledge to me on the whole matter that was really a revelation. ¬†You see it turns out, a lot of guys don’t really go for the so-called party girl ¬†or at worst we get stereotyped as the good time girl. ¬†Here are a few reasons why getting to wifey and/or girlfriend status is a herculean challenge for a girl like me:

  1. Men assume you have someone or a lot of someones
  2. Men are intimidated and or overwhelmed by your confidence and won’t approach
  3. A certain kind of guy isn’t willing to share the spotlight and will opt for quiet eye candy or vocal charisma
  4. Your awesome is generally misunderstood

Here is where I’m come out on this whole analytical¬†conundrum. ¬†For a brief moment, I really considered ¬†being less: a bit more quiet and adopting the homebody swag, under the misguided hope that prince charming would¬†gallantly¬†ride to my door atop a white horse, my size Louboutins in hand. ¬†However, like lightning it occurs to me: ¬†I am not willing to CHANGE ¬†for any dude. ¬†I’ve been there done that, and bought the t-shirt. ¬†I will never go there again. ¬†I was only a pale and less¬†interesting¬†version of myself, when I lived that way and all in all life is too short to be something you or not. ¬†I figure, the right guy will be handle me and all my awesome no problem. ¬†Better yet, he’ll want to party with me! ¬†So here it is: ¬†They say life is a party, so we might as well dance! ¬†You with me?

Hoop Ho Diaries: In Defense of Evelyn

Ah Basketball wives…how do I love thee…..let me count the ways….

Basketball Wives is everything great about bad reality TV:¬†conspicuous¬†consumption, beautiful women,¬†melodrama, sex, gossip, enough cats fight to rival your local all girls parochial school, and if that wasn’t enough; they even gave us a little¬†Al Reynolds¬†this season to boot. ¬†The show chronicles the lives of women who are married to or in most cases divorced,¬†separated, or otherwise presently/formerly¬†copulating with NBA players. ¬†We watch them argue, back bite, and generally go at it for an hour each week, with no clear path for redemption , growth, or other identified higher purpose. ¬†The show more or less plays like a post-post-adolescent mean girls, but yet I really dig it.

The intellectual in me realizes that this show is fraught with problematic images for minority women, and for that matter women in  general.  The characters are petty, superficial, and oft-times morally debased.  Nevertheless, it provides a  perverse and painful adrenaline rush, somewhat akin to popping a pre-date zit.

I’ve said only half in jest that Basketball Wives is the only sports that I’ll willingly watch.The recently aired reunion specials had all the spectacle of a championship basketball game with better shoes. There was man-to-man defense with little Royce outmatched by the lengthy Boricua¬†show-stopper¬†Evelyn, with host John Salley playing the referee.

Since bedding Cincinnati Bengals¬†Chad Ochocinco on their first date (***clears throat*** 5x) and admitting to sleeping with co-star Tami Roman’s ¬†then husband Kenny Anderson, Evelyn has been catching a lot of shade for being a ho, trash box,¬†alley-cat, or any other synonym one might come up with for a so-called loose woman.

Yet, I find something fascinating about Evelyn. ¬†I kind of admire how she has strategically positioned herself as the show’s archetypal¬†villain; the move shows a unique kind of genius. ¬†All good reality shows need a “bad guy” and on Basketball Wives Evelyn has earned her place among the Natalie Nunns, Omarosas,¬†¬†New Yorks, ¬†and Jade Coles of reality TV’s past. ¬†She has leveraged her sexuality, fire-sharp tongue, and power over the other women to create her brand.

Mark my words she will leverage this brand into her own reality series, which will more than likely co-star her newly-minted fianc√©e: none other than ¬†Ochocinco, another reality TV star. ¬†¬†¬†Apparently, ho-dum has its benefits because she is sporting one hell of a rock. ¬†The extent to which the engagement is spectacle or a publicity stunt is anyones guess, but I can appreciate a woman who goes after what she wants. ¬†As¬†¬†she so rawly¬†put it: who I f**ked and how¬†I f**ked him is none of your motherf**king business.”

I mean even considering that she has exposed her life to the cameras of a national reality show, she still has a point. ¬†It amazes me that a American’s still¬†maintain highfalutin¬†airs around this sort of artificial¬†puritanical sexuality, which is ironically set against the back drop of a culture driven by an¬†orgie of sex, commerce, and power. For all intensive purposes, Evelyn is operating within a culture that values and rewards beauty, and in which ¬†sex can be more than¬†marketed.

Sex has become entrepreneurial.

I’ll miss Basketball Wives until next season, but I’m waiting with bated breath for Evelyn and Ochocinco:¬†Married to the Green. ¬†It will be as artificial as Astroturf but it will be entertaining. ¬† Sports, sex, and entertainment; it’s the American way.

So what do you think? ¬†Anyone else out there willing to admit they are on #teamevelyn? Is Shani O’neal wrong for promoting these characterizations of black and minority women to enrich herself? ¬†Does anyone view¬†Evelyn’s¬†moves as¬†empowering¬†rather than¬†classless?

I Do This For My Culture……..

I am a writer. I write, therefore I am. I was born for this and it’s ¬†time I act accordingly.

There is a certain kind of freedom¬†that emerges when you have identified your call in life. ¬†When you know your definite purpose and the reason you have been given a particular talent,¬†there is to my mind an obligation to give it back to the world. ¬†My writing on this blog, my poetry, and my fiction are all bound to this single purpose‚ÄĒto help others. ¬†I started this blog a little over a year ago as an outlet for me to practice and refine my craft and as a platform for my creative and intellectual self-expression. However, my foundational purpose was to start a conversation around the politics of pop-culture and the culture of politics. ¬†¬†I’ve written about everything from Nicki Minaj to Antoine Dodson and let me tell you it has been fun, challenging, and inspirational. ¬†Your comments and insights‚ÄĒparticularly when you disagree with me‚ÄĒfuel my desire to charge forward with this “little blog that could”.

Admittedly, I’ve been a bit absent lately and I apologize to my faithful readers. ¬†Please know that I am so humbled by your support and my plan is to grow and expand the blog over this year. ¬†I have battled a bit of writer’s block lately. ¬†Apparently, my muse was a bit exhausted but she has returned and once again the keyboard beckons.

This project has helped me grow in so many ways and this is only the start. ¬†I’ve also been remiss in introducing myself to my readers, though we have been together for some time now. ¬†So who am I? As you know, my pen name is Bohemian Comedian, primarily because people tell me I’m witty and I wish real life was Trader Joe’s (the food is good, the people are friendly, and good tunes are always playing). ¬†I am many things but primarily¬†I am a writer. I write,¬†therefore¬†I am. ¬†I am a person inspired by the power of words and their boundless ability to effect positive change in the world. ¬†Me in a nutshell:

Deborah’s Daughter, Annie’s Granddaughter,the Kabosh Blogger, Humorist, Urban Socialite, Fashionista, Shoe Whore, ¬†Last Train to Paris Passenger, Shower Singer, Free Love Advocate, Virgo, Perfect Imperfection, Bravebird, Lady of AKA, Wordsmith, Black Swan, Aspiring Reality TV Star, diva, hustla, shower singer, shooting star, George Mason and Georgetown grad, and ¬†generally awesome brown girl =)

Thanks in advance for your support, as I work to evolve the blog over the next year. Make sure you are following me on Twitter at @thekabosh and like our Facebook page.

New post once a week. My renewed promise to you.

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