I’m In it For the Love of….. Love or Money? Part I


Steve Harvey is the gift that keeps giving.   His relatively recent foray into relationship gurudom has provided much fodder for sister circles nationwide.  I was gifted Act Like A Lady Think Like a Man last year.  I will admit to only having made it through the first few chapters and simply perusing the rest.    Nevertheless, Mr. Harvey provides some valuable insight into the male psyche–paralyzing enigma that it is.

Having parlayed his book success into a regular advice column for Essence Magazine, Harvey dispenses some interesting–if not depressing–tidbits to Reisha B., a 26-year old advice seeker, in this month’s issue.  Reisha writes:

“I don’t get approached by handsome professional Black men.  They always seem to go for promiscuous women. I smile and make eye contact, but they never come over. What am I doing wrong?”

Mr. Harvey’s response is typical. “Men are attracted to aesthetics and attitude.  He’s eyeing your figure and hair and wondering how he’ll feel introducing you to his buddies.” He continues derailing this poor young women’s dream that she is deserving of a “handsome professional black man”, by suggesting that her expectations of who might be attracted to her were too high and stating she should start giving the “blue-collar fellas” a chance.  In Mr. Harvey’s world, without 5 star chick good looks, Reisha B. may be  S.O.L. when it comes to landing her prototype.

In the meantime, I cruised over to A Bell in Brooklyn, which featured a post aptly titled “I’m Sayin She’s a Gold Digger”.  The post discussed an episode of the Tyra Banks show, where several little girl’s of various social, ethnic, and economic strata were interviewed about their attitudes on money and marriage.  Clearly reflecting their mother’s attitudes, the little girls overwhelmingly expressed a desire to marry for money and security above love.  There were, however, exceptions and I urge you to check out the video for yourself—peep the little girl with the fierce afro-puffs; she was dropping the actual factuals.

Tyra guest Orencia—fully weaved, cleaveaged, and painted to look like a typical trashbox video vixen–displayed new levels of indignity and ignorance, when advocating marriage for money over love.  She went on to suggest that her 7-year-old daughter should not talk to—no excuse me “conversate with”— a male classmate until having first received a cookie from him.   Some might argue, its not trickin if you got it.  Start them off early with Oreos and tomorrow its the gallardo. I am not one of these people.

Barely articulate Orencia is making it difficult for girls like Reisha B.   If Mr. Harvey is right–having no idea what Reisha B. looks like but assuming she’s averagely pretty without the bells and whistles of Orencia—we can make some educated guesses on who the professional Black men of Mr. Harvey’s imagination are going to choose for their arm candy.    Unfortunately,  I am suspecting  “cavernous echo chamber for a brain” Orencia will win over non-promiscous Reisha B.”

In world, so saturated with materialism and instant gratification, there is something to be said for  finding pure love based on the content of a person’s character.  Finding a life partner that is equally yoked with you in terms of education, finances, morality, and faith is a Herculean task for many black women.  So ladies what do we do if we aren’t attracting the ballers and the shotcallers or the educated and so-called successful Black men? Do we take Steve’s advice and give the blue collar fellas a chance? Is this settling?

Discuss.

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1 Comment

  1. I did not see any comments. I wanted to see what the “sistahs” were going to say about it. I will wait.


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